Whether this season has seen you at work, family or social events feeling a little less talkative or less open to sharing your year past, I am here to tell you that you are not alone.
Statistics show that November and December are some of the most challenging times to deal with challenges and if it hasn’t felt like your most celebrated time of year allow me to bring some clarity to your forefront.
November, we start to analyse the year past and consider we need to do more, be more, and have more, December comes, we tend to be overworked and under-focused, exhausted financially and socially either too much or not enough, our life balance is off.
All too often, we have preconceived notions: We must be busy, we must be with family, or even build a family, and we must celebrate.
Then on the big dates, we come together socially, and here come the challenges of answering the big questions.
“so what have you been up to?”
“Who are you dating?” If you’re in a relationship, “tell me all about your partner, any plans for a family, etc.”
Oh, have you got that promotion at work and what are you thinking for the coming year?”
Depending on your age and lifestyle, the questions may vary, social engagements may see you with questions about the future trajectory of your relationship, building a family, assets or travel stories.
It’s all one big self-evaluation promotion activity, the most exhausting part may just be arriving, or it could be the combination of monitoring your thoughts to ensure the words that come out of your mouth are lead to guilt and remorse. In the unlikely circumstance in which nothing is said or done triggers a need to respond, the nervous system may find post-event the sudden surge of fatigue and recovery response of this hyper-vigilance to people please with an expectation hangover.
For some people, just the thought of being open to people who have little investment in our welfare or know us outside of a neighbourly chat, work talk or relatives we see four times or less a year, or colleagues who could use any information to negatively impact you.
The firing squad is out in force within our own mind space and likely in conversations we are less able to avoid. All in all, I would like to offer some phrases to consider when with the hard questions. Think of these as your compensatory strategies.
When feeling questioned for your direction or wishing to end a conversation about your momentum, or otherwise having foresight the response would be less palatable. This phrase can end small talk on the big questions.
I’m in a good place at the moment with where I am, thank you for asking. If you feel there will be lingering questions or further probing it can help to add an end to the phrase, such as; Sure, this isn’t the place I will stay for too long, for now, I’m finding my way or maybe simply smiling and stating I have a feeling some changes are coming.
Change is inevitable, there is no way around it, so there you have a crafty way to sustain those pesky enquirers for yet another year.
The compulsion to please people and sustain a presence in uncomfortable conversations need not be something you must do. However, in selecting ways to end conversations and deflect those ongoing questions, you may gradually gain confidence in social settings.